Demanding Imperfection

"A person doesn’t have to be perfect to be exactly what you need." – J.D. on Scrubs

I’ve been thinking about this lately. I have a friend who continues to point out to me that I am human. And this is a good thing. Because being human means that I will mess up, demand what cannot be demanded, and be incredibly hurtful to others. But it also means that I have the capacity to love, serve, and give to others.

The thing is that when I think about other people and their relationship to me, I don’t expect or want them to be perfect. If they were, that would just make me feel like I could never live up to them and it would do more damage than if they just screwed up once in a while. But yet I feel the need to be exactly what the other person “needs” all the time. I try so hard to figure out what role I need to play, that not only do I guess the wrong “role”, I also am inept at playing said role, and the whole thing ends up in a mess. I forget that the reason the person is talking to me or spending time with me in the first place is because they wanted to be with me, and not some character that I’ve chosen to play. And really, it’s through the arguments and the conflicts and the hurt that we know each other, as much as through the fun and laughter, yes? Learning boundaries and why what words mean what to the other, and why what actions have the effect they do is a fascinating process.

I know none of this is a new thought, and that thinking through this isn’t going to make me stop trying to compensate or stop being a demanding friend. It’s not going to make any of my relationships less frustrating. But it is nice to know that there are people who don’t expect me to be perfect around them and will still love me when I not only fall flat on my own face, but also bring them down with me.